Super Bowl Bet --

The Super Bowl bet was a farce – I didn’t care who won the stupid game. Either way I was going to win. Now it’s true because the L.A. Raiders won I wouldn’t have to pay for dinner. I convinced a goddess to bet on the outcome of the game. I guess I could just ask her out – but I had a hard time asking myself out. What a great way for a coward like me to get lucky.

Getting ready I changed my shirt three times – I only had five in the first place! I had an errand in the big city, so she agreed to make it a long evening. This was kind of like playing Russian Roulette for her. If we hit it off, it gave us plenty of time to make it great: if not, it could have been endless torment. She was way too nice to make my life miserable.

Well, here we go, Man I’m nervous – all the sudden I need to pee. There’s got to be some medical explanation why I need to go to the bathroom every time I get nervous. I better pull over at that gas station, which gives her time to check out her hair in the mirror – not that she could make it look any better. That hour and a half drive sure went fast, I never stopped talking. After I took care of my errand, she wanted me to pick where to eat. If I took us someplace to get an expensive steak, she’d think I’m a jerk since she has to pay. The Spaghetti Factory! -- that doesn’t sound too expensive, and it ended up being quite romantic --- candles and everything. Maybe I shouldn’t have ordered the Italian sausage? That’s got to be my fifth glass of water – where’s the bathroom in this place?

This has been great for me; I wonder what she’s thinking? “Hey do you want to go to the planetarium and watch the light show?” Man she’s gorgeous, I need to make this thing last as long as possible. Maybe by the end she’ll see through the nerves and know I’m a nice guy. I can’t believe it - I need to pee again. Maybe it’s some primitive instinct where the male needs to mark his territory.

Boy, she smells wonderful. That was great. “We’re close to the university-- do you want to see if anything is going on?” Please let there be something going on! At home they have dances at the church institute every Friday night. There are a few cars at this institute, “Let’s check it out.” There weren’t that many people there and they all acted like they knew each other. I wasn’t going to let this opportunity pass. Alright, a slow dance, that was the highlight of the night. I didn’t care everyone was looking at us asking each other – “Who are those people?” We might as well grab some cookies and punch on the way out. If your acting like you’re invited you might as well have dessert. Oh, where is the bathroom?

“Let’s go home it’s getting late.” I wonder what we’ll talk about; she knows everything but my shoe size by now. I haven’t shut up all day; she seems to be Ok with it and is talking as well. Maybe she’s actually having a great time, too. After one more stop, can someone really need to go to the bathroom this many times? Driving home during an unusual quiet moment, I decided to ask her something intelligent. No answer-- should I ask again? Oh my gosh, she’s asleep. What does that mean? Did I wear her out or am I really that boring? I better let her sleep; at least there’s one thing that was her idea. Well we’re home, “Lori, wake-up.” She seemed embarrassed that she had fallen asleep, but she told me she had a great time and wanted to do it again. I smiled and said, “Me too.” but I had to hurry or I would have wet my pants. Six times in one night that has to be some kind of record.

All I know is that I really liked this girl and after twenty-five years and five kids together, I still think she’s the greatest. She doesn’t make me as nervous anymore, so there are fewer trips to the bathroom. But she had to think something was wrong with me.