At the first of every year people seem to try to improve spiritually, mentally and physically, many times we tie these attempts in a pretty bow called New Year's resolutions. Occasionally these goals are quite obvious that they need to be done in the first place. Other times I hate it when things aren't my fault, but I still have to suffer for it.
My wife and I went away for a couple of days for our anniversary to Park City. Part of our occasional trips to Summit County always includes going to the outlet malls. This is a place where name brand manufactures have their own store and sell last years merchandise or things they have too much of at a discount - mixed in with the regular stuff at the full price.
At one stores there was a family where the parents were having a hard time with their two children, or I should say the mother was having a hard time. The fact that their boys were beating the crap out of each other and screaming bloody murder, this was over shadowed by the father’s lack of concern. As the oldest was crying uncontrollably, I heard the father yell, “Suck it up.” He didn’t have any time for this; he had just found the mother-load, Eddie Bauer polo shirts for less than ten dollars. Quickly grabbing four shirts in different colors, he turned to his wife and said: "that should do it – I just need a few shirts that fit, all of my others have shrunk."
Damn washer, or in Utah I guess I'm supposed to say dang washer. I guess technically it could have been the dryer! But the dryer already has enough of it own problems; it eats all of my socks. I wonder why it only eats one of each color? Now I don’t think it makes much difference to point out that the man looked like the late Chris Farley and I have no idea if he lives in a van down by the river. Mr. Farley’s character - Matt Foley, in this famous Saturday Night Live scene was a motivational speaker, and his speech was as effective as “Suck it up.”
Our washer has been shrinking my clothes for years. When we got married twenty-five years ago I wore pants with a thirty-inch waist. They kept shrinking so I started buying larger ones so they could make it through more washes. Now the materials they make clothes out of must be cheap – because buying a thirty-eight inch waist is to tight after they have been washed.
Other things seem not to be working right as well. We have had the same scales for years – but the numbers are all screwed up. The first number was always a one and now it’s always a two. The stupid first number doesn’t even work when my eleven-year-old daughter steps on the scales. I don’t use them anymore – why would I, it doesn’t show the right number? Despite all the things I can’t control, I should be happy I’ve got it a lot better than most people – at least I don’t have to diet or work out regularly.
Now all I have to do is figure out is how to fix our scales and that dang washer. Maybe that's what I'll set as my News Years resolutions -- I can't think of anything else!
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