Blue Benches

Everyone has heard the phrase that it’s as obvious as the nose on your face. Even the most alerts individual can miss something right in front of them once in a while. I have a hard time growing any kind of hair – it just doesn’t happen. Of all the factual hair that a person can do the one that in my option looks the stupidest is the soul patch, that little section below the lower lip. Wouldn’t you know it this is the only place my future son-in-law had hair on his face? Now that isn’t a reason to tell him he can’t marry your daughter – as a matter of fact it shouldn’t be a big deal at all. Despite that I still mentioned one day that it would be nice for the wedding if it were gone so we wouldn’t have to have it in the pictures. I know it’s not my place but that hasn’t stopped me before. Now it wasn’t something I was dwelling on thus the reason that half way through the day’s activities they had to point out to me that he had shaved it off for the wedding – I never even noticed. I’ve missed my wife’s new hair dew a new decoration and much more. There are also a lot of things that change all around us that we notice and love to watch the progress. We were one of the first to build in our sub-division so when other homes were being built it was common for many of us to walk through and see what it was going to look like. When they started to build a new church a block away it became kind of gathers spot a couple times a week to see what had taken place. I remember after the floor was poured it look different to me because it sloped where the chapel was supposed to be. We later fond out that this made it so the back row was higher then the front row – not steep enough to be considered stadium seating but it really looks nice. Near the end of the construction a friend and I were going by and noticed a large truck in the parking lot so we decided to take a peak. As we walked into the chapel it was beautiful. The walls were completed the carpet was laid and there were about twelve men putting in the pews or benches. The walls were a rose color the carpet was green and the benches were blue – blue, why would the benches be blue? At this time about a third of the benches were in place. I walked up to one of the workers and asked – why are the benches blue when the carpet is green? He looked at me kind of confused – he had the look of what are you talking about and who are you. He then turned around and walked up to another worker and said this guy wants to know why the benches are blue, now I’m no interior designer - but they just didn’t look right. They then went to who ever was the supervisor and next thing you know they stopped the work and he made a phone call. Apparently there was another church being built not every far away and their blue bencher and the green ones for this building were sent to the wrong location. I’ve wondered since how could twelve men working that close not notice that they were a different color? Now a woman would say because they were all men. Others may say they just took them out of the truck and knew it was their job to but them in – it’ someone else’s job to make sure their the right benches. I’m sure they weren’t happy to have to take them out and find the right ones – but at least I walked in before they got them all in. Oh well - there are a lot of times I don’t notice what other people think was so obvious.

GA Interviews –

When something means a lot to you - those associated with that thing or situation become your ideals, examples or mentors. My religious beliefs are extremely important in my life and someday I hope to meet my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ – hopefully at that time I will have clean hands and a pure heart. Those chosen to lead the Church of Jesus Christ are called by God and assume that leadership not of their own designs but by revelation through inspired leaders. At the upper levels of church leadership these men are called general authorities. Occasionally members of the church have the opportunity or responsibility to interview with these great men on a one-to-one basis. This is an opportunity or displeasure depends on the circumstances that surround that interview.

I remember as a young missionary, I was in the second English-speaking group to spend the first month of my mission at the Mission Training Center in Provo Utah. There we learned the discussions and scriptures that would be needed in order to become a successful missionary. At the time it was a new program and there were many times we didn’t have anything scheduled, especially in the evenings. On one such occasion six of us decided to go outside and sit on the lawn looking up at the stars and talk about home. We were having a wonderful conversation that took a couple of twists and turns. We then started to discuss the interview process needed to be able to go on a mission. One of those involved stated that he had an interview with a curtain Elder. Elder is a title of respect used to distinguish the general authorities from other positions in the Church. Another missionary proceeded to talk about the Elder he met, then a third told a similar story. I remember being disappointed that I hadn’t had the opportunity to be interviewed by a general authority. I remember saying “ that’s not fair, I never got a chance to meet with a general authority.” There was a moment of silence and one of the missionaries said, “Paul it wasn’t a good thing, it was to see if they would let us go on a mission in the first place,” I learned that because of my faithfulness I didn’t have to meet with one of these great men.

No worries, since that time I have had four opportunities to be interviewed by general authorities, each time in a more positive setting then that experienced by my fellow missionaries. Each of these times has been in the process of picking a new stake president. The first time was in February of 1997. I was serving as Bishop and had been in that capacity for a little over a year. Elder Tingey one of the seven Presidents of the Seventies conducted the interview. I was one of the last individuals interviewed and both of us knew I wasn’t going to be the next Stake President. He talked to me about my family and the ward I presided over, he asked what problems we were facing and if our members were in debt. He gave me some advice that was very useful, it was a wonderful experience – kind of like what I had first envisioned happened to the missionaries I talked to that night in the MTC.

The second interview was given by Elder Bateman also one of the seven Presidents of the Seventies. This time I was serving as the Stake Young Men’s President. During such interviews you ‘re asked to provide three names of individuals that I believed would be able to serve as the next stake president. This time I was once again scheduled to be one of the last interviews. Elder Bateman made a couple of statements that were intended to be compliments. First he said that I looked like a Young Men’s President. Then he said “we have talked about you a lot today.” This meant that a number of stake members had presented my name for consideration. He said that many nice things had been said about my service and abilities. This was a great compliment that I hope I deserved and will continue to be true in the years to come. He then asked about the youth of our stake and the challenges they are facing. There was no doubt that he had a great concern for their welfare. Later that day Lori and I were invited back to meet with Elder Bateman again as I was called to be the 2^nd Counselor in the Mt. Logan Stake Presidency with President Bryan R Larsen as the president - he already happened to be one of those hero’s I mentioned at the first of this story.

The third time was with Elder C Scott Grow of the First Quorum of the Seventies. This time was a little different as it was the reorganization of a University Stake and none of the people interviewed lived in boundaries of the stake involved. We were all old farts, all the members of the stake are from the ages of eighteen to thirty. In each of these interviews there are two individuals involved - the General Authority is in charge and his assistant is a member of the area leadership - called Area Seventies. Both of them usually make comments and ask questions. Elder Fluhman the Area Seventy accompanying Elder Grow made the comment I have a great smile. He said, "I bet as a missionary people would listen to the gospel just because of that smile." I answered that I remember it being a little harder than that, at which time they laughed and we had a great conversation. Elder Grow thanked me and said I have a wonderful spirit and he could tell I had a strong testimony of the gospel.

The Fourth interview took place just a couple of weeks after the third. It too was for a young adult University Stake. They told us they were using the same list of individuals interviewed by Elder Fluhman and Elder Grow. The General Authority was Elder Baxter of the First Quorum of the Seventies. He was accompanied by Elder Cherrington an Area Seventy. The first thing Elder Baxter said is "I see you dodged a bullet a couple of weeks ago." I had no idea what that meant, except I wasn't called and we'll see what happens his time. The interview took a little longer than was scheduled and they asked a lot about my family and work situation. There was never any disappointment that I wasn't called as a Stake President. This interview was as pleasant as all the others and I view them as a tender moment that my Heaven Father allowed me to associate with these spiritual giants.

The common thread in all these experiences is the spirit surrounding the circumstances. These are men of God that under the power of the Savior receive revelation to make these calls. These interviews are an opportunity for them to find out whom the Lord wants to lead these stakes at that time. I walked away each time with a stronger testimony of the power of the priesthood and the process involved in calling priesthood leaders. And I would much rather meet under these circumstances than did my missionary companions so many year before.

2nd Cousin –

In my case everyone could pick my brothers out of a lineup – at least if you knew me and then saw them. But something that very few people knows is that I have six sisters. People don’t know that they’re my sisters for a couple of reasons. First, they have hair – this is defiantly a positive in their eyes. Another reason is that we have different last names – at least they do now. They all got married before it became cool to put a hyphen between the old and new last names. Since our parents have died I don’t know if any of them would even hyphenate now because people would know that they are related to me.

I guess I had a few cousins growing up – but not very many and especially not my age. None of them had the same last name either. Now you can understand why I was so excited to learn that my second cousin was moving in across the street. Now I had never met him or any of his family for that matter. As I understand second cousins are ¼ of the same bloodline as you are. Not a whole lot but at least he was a blood relative, a boy and only one year younger. This is kind of like finding out that you’re getting a little brother that’s twelve years old – a mini me per say.

I loved sports and spend just about every waking moment either participating of thinking about playing sports. I wasn’t that great of a student and hated to study. Physically I was larger than most kids my age and scared some people because I was large, athletic and loud. You normally knew when I was around. It helped and/or hurt my reputation because my I hung out with the toughest kid in the world.

Well you can understand my disappointment when Harald moved in. First of all Harald isn’t a tough guy name and especially when he is wearing a calculator on his belt and has a pencil guard in his shirt front pocket. He hadn’t played any sports, unless you count playing the organ and cello sports. Now this was the 70’s – the beginning of the computer revolution. The word genius could have been appropriate but we didn’t know what he was talking about. Luckily I hadn’t told many people he was moving in so I didn’t have to explain the only ¼ blood thing. The in common thing must have been the part each of us has missed out on. Oh he was a nice kid but we weren’t going to be spending a lot of time together.

I remember when he showed up for school – he seemed not to know you could leave your books in your locker since he carried everything he owned around in his arms as he bounced down he hall. That first day we were walking down the hall a little ways behind Harald. As I pointed him out to the toughest guy in the world, all the sudden a couple of guys started to give him the business and tried to knock things out of his arms. As Harald collected himself and rounded the corner, we happened to reach the two that were giving him a hard time. Now remember we were about a foot taller than just about anyone else and these two were the ones that started picking on someone weaker than they were. It just became our opportunity to show them what their medicine tasted like.

We grabbed one each and pinned them up against a locker and explained that Harald was our friend and that if they mess with one of our friends they mess with us. I think we could have also asked them to sing a couple of songs and do a dance and we wouldn’t have heard any complaints. Word got around pretty quite not to mess with Harald or the two loudest and biggest kids at school would want to talk to you. He was still a little different so I’m sure on occasion he had to put up with a little grief, I’m also sure he called me a couple of things on occasion but I probably didn’t understand them. Today I would still call him a friend. He ended up in silicone valley and the rumor is he could buy his own island if he wanted too. Now I know I’m glad to be ¼ the same bloodline, but I still think he never knew about what happened the first day of school.

0 or 100, what does that tell ya? –

One of the commandments given by the Lord to his followers is to watch over the church. Home Teaching is a program designed to do just that. In my patriarchal blessing the Lord told me I would be known for my faithfulness and devotion and the opportunity to serve will come naturally to me. I consider this to be a great compliment, thankfully most of my life I have lived up to that declaration and observation. I have my weaknesses and areas I need to improve, just ask my family. Those that see you the most are also those that know your shortcoming. In my religious responsibilities home teaching is probably one of my weakest areas. I don’t know why I have such a hard time, because when you go its very enjoyable and really beneficial to everyone involved. Every month after going home teaching you need to report your faithfulness. But your also suppose to report if the families you have responsibility over are doing OK and if they need any assistance in their lives. These report are then passed on to other leaders to make sure the needs of the members are met. Now it should be everyone’s desire to always have a hundred percent participation, but it really doesn’t happen that often. Because this is a religious assignment you would never think that anyone would lie or fudge the number to look better. I don’t encourage that behavior, but in extreme conditions it might be in your best interest. Now before you get discussed or think I’m evil let me explain. One week during my bachelor years, a friend of mine asked me to go visit another singles ward with him. Now this is more common than it should be – it’s a good way to see which ward has the hottest girls. During priesthood meeting the Elders Quorum President gave the monthly report – the previous month they had zero percent home teaching. Really, zero percent? It took me so much by surprise that I started to laugh – that didn’t go over that great. Think about that for a second, zero percent meant that the President that tried to encourage the brethren to do better didn’t even do his. Why should I feel a need to go if my leaders don’t think it’s important enough to do theirs? Now I think he should have just done his – then there wouldn’t have been a problem. If he had said that we had five percent all of the others would have thought – we better do ours the President is the only one doing it. Years later I had the opportunity to be an Elders President and I learned how hard it was to keep everyone motivated to do their duty. We lived in a ward that was great at home teaching and you could tell as the majority of the members were actively engaged. Our percentage was normally always over eighty percent. There began too be a friendly competition with the High Priest group. Being during the Christmas season the Bishop encouraged us the to have one hundred percent for the month of December. I was proud of my group, as ninety–five percent of the elders had reported having done their visits. I don’t know if the high priest group leader just wanted to beat us or if in reality the members had reported that it was all done but in the meeting where the numbers are reported after my ninety-five percent report he declared with pride they had one hundred percent. I think it was the first month they had out done our number. His glory didn’t last long as two people in the room turn and almost in unison stated ‘\”no one came to our house.” Now if he had said ninety-eight percent those two people would have said I was the only one in the ward not visited. Maybe the moral of these stories is to never report zero or a hundred percent. If you have zero and your not faithful you might as well lie to save face – now I don’t believe that just make sure if your in charge -do your home teaching. If your group reports one hundred understand most likely someone lied.

Scoutmaster -

I’m not a scouter but I’m a man that believes in scouting. Who wouldn’t believe in a program that gets young men to do something besides watching TV or play video games? Don’t get me wrong as an old fart I watch plenty of TV, I would play video games too if I didn’t lose so bad no mater which one of my kids I playing against.

Scouting teaches a lot of other qualities: service, honesty, trust, teamwork the list goes on and on. There are a lot of things that a scoutmaster does, herding and motivating kids is the one that takes the longest. The troop I had was made up of twelve and thirteen year olds, there was about twelve of them. Of course they are changing all the time, which makes it hard to get everyone working on the same thing. This is the perfect time to influence young inquisitive minds – but you better hurry because before long they will be teaching you things you’ve never thought of. Just get over the fact that they already know more about technology than I will ever learn.

As a scoutmaster the first merit badge I always made the kids gets was first aid – the reasons should be obvious. The most important tool you need as a scoutmaster is at least one good assistant scoutmaster. Not only can they watch your back but also when you’re about to lose it they can take charge. My assistant just happened to be a police officer – perfect. Besides their Mom’s making them - the scouts are there for two reasons: 1^st to be entertained and 2^nd to be fed. These usually come in that order. Because some of the kid have different interests it’s hard to keep them all entertained, but they’ll stick through it if they know there’s food at the end. I use to tell the parents that a kid will advance to the rank of life by accident if they just show up - but if they want to get their Eagle they will have to work for it. Most of our scout got their Eagle, but all of them got their Life if they were there long enough. It’s not hard to motivate kids to do many of the merit badges: woodcarving, basket weaving, fingerprinting – that’s a great one if your assistant is a cop. I think he kept copies for future references. The jury is still out but there’s usually one kid that it would be a good idea to have his on file. I know I was that kid in scouts long ago. When you figure out which kid that might be, it’s also a good idea to try to get his father as an assistant as well. This isn’t always easy since the reason they’re sending him to scout is so they can have a break.

Trying to keep the kids on task is one of your greatest challenges; I think my boss would say the same thing once in a while. A scoutmaster is a CEO, manager, salesman, game warden as well as a cook. Many times the kids are the ones that are cooking thats how they get the merit badge. But after a couple of days of the threat of cancer, it becomes obvious that you need to take over.

It takes a certain kind of person to be a good a scoutmaster, just like it takes a curtain kind of woman to have ten kids. It helps if you’re basically insane. Like being a parent most of the time you receive very little thanks or recognition, like a parent the kids don’t always do what they’re told or what is best for him or the troop. But like a parent there is no better feeling that when one or all of the kids do something they didn’t think that they could and are happy about it.

The greatest time for me to be a scoutmaster is at the end of the day sitting around a campfire. This is when we talk about what happen and what needs to take place the next morning – but then we share jokes, stories and just have a lot of fun together. Our troop was church sponsored and we always ended up with a story from the scriptures: the mountains full of horses and chariots of fire to protect the prophet, David killing his Goliath, stripling worriers defending truth and right. It was great to see the excitement in their eyes as the stories unfold before them. Then of course we always had a treat.

Where did that come from?-

I don’t understand genetics – apparently there is this little twisty ladder of information that dictates who we are and what we look like. It’s called our DNA – I have no idea what it stands for. I’m sure I did as a teenager in some science class, but you know everything at that age. There must be something to this stuff since my brothers and I look so much a like that people mistaken us for each other all the time. The problem with that is I’m the youngest, what’s with everyone thinking I’m so old?

I’ve mentioned this in another story but I tell people if I act like I don’t know who they are they need to just whack me across the side of the head – either I deserve it or it will make a good story when I see my brothers. Not only do we get our DNA from our ancestors but also apparently we learn certain behavior from those that rock our cradles. This fact is good and bad – and too many people use it as an excuse for being idiots. No it’s not your parents fault you robbed that bank – but parents and those we associate with influence the way we think about certain things. In the end each of us are responsible for our own choices that makes up our lives. But no matter how hard we try other things are what they are. My father had Alzheimer’s for about seven years before he pasted away. Most scientist say that the major cause is genetics – but there are a few things that help it’s timing. Mom died of a heart attract at the age of eighty – her father died of a heart attract at the age of fifty-seven. The fact that he chose to smoke most of his life made his condition worse than hers. I’ve been told I got my hairline from him, or at least the lack of it. Mom had breast cancer, Dad had prostate cancer – which I mixed up with colon cancer while talking to my doctor and next thing you know I was having a colonoscopy. It must be hereditary other wise why do my brothers even sound a like?

Lori must sound real young; she can’t even number the amount of times someone has asked her on the phone if her dad was home. She started says that he doesn’t live here. People must be thinking I moved out or finally she got rid of the loser. The worse is when you think a woman is the man of the house – ouch! It’s Ok to be mistaken for one of your kids – but not a member of the opposite sex. Now as this all comes to be hopefully you like your parents because after while that’s who you become. I wish we could choose which one we looked or acted like. My dad had tons of dark hair and olive colored skin. Dad was reserved, intelligent and humble. Mom was fair skinned, outgoing and had a great sense of humor. But it doesn’t work that way – we can’t choose our features. Well there may be a couple of plastic sergeant that might disagree. Our niece just got married and her husband gave himself hair plugs as a present. Now when it comes to our kids it’s kind of funny they got all of their negative qualities from my side of the family and the good one from Lori’s side. At least now of my girls have gone bald yet.

First Fiction -

The purpose of my stories and the blog has never been to get famous or to win the Pulsar Prize. It was in an attempt to write my personal history and have a little fun. A month ago I was searching the web and ran across a short story contest from Reader Digest called “Your Story” that they do on a monthly basis. That month’s topic was “First Date.” Now I hadn’t written that one yet so I gave it a try. On the Blog it is called “Super Bowl Bet.” Now because I’m a normal man I didn’t read the instructions and didn’t know there was a prompt – which the story needed to follow. Oh well – there’s no way I could have won the contest if it isn’t about what they want it to be about. The next month I went back to the web page to see what the next promt or topic was to be and it said:

Your Story #24: Child's Birthday Party

Parents look on in horror as a magician's trick goes horribly awry during a child's birthday party.

Now nothing like this has ever happened to our family. First of all I wouldn’t have paid the money to hire a magician and why would we invite other parents. So just for fun I decided to create first fictional masterpiece. It turned out all right but it isn’t a master piece and I think I will stick to non-fiction and the purposes of the hobby in the first place.

Because I wrote it and I have a Blog (that no one reads anyway) I might as well post it. So here it is.

I don’t know what they were thinking in the first place. I haven’t seen a bunch of four-year-olds scatter that fast my whole life, not to mention the screaming of terror that accompanied the tears welling up in their eyes. Who started this one-up-man-ship fiasco in the first place? At least their parents were all there and now they get to take them to counseling! The problem is that the parents need it way more than the kids and apparently should have had it years ago.

Yes - all of the kids attend the same Bright Beginnings Preschool in this yuppie infested suburbanian neighborhood. The “who owns the best car and yard contest” has now oozed over into the “see what we are willing to do for our kid’s birthday sweepstakes.” Pony rides, petting zoos, clown parades and the dad’s unquenchable desire to participate has turned these parties into a testosterone summer fest. Why else were the parents invited in the first place? The question should be what ever happened to pin the tail on the donkey or duck duck goose?

The fact that it was Chloe’s birthday seemed to be the least important event of the day. It was pretty cool to see the new dove in the cage by the front door. And it looked like there was enough cake for the whole neighborhood. The stack of presents looks like Santa just made his final stop. This is just for one kid? This one-up-man–ship apparently includes who brings the greatest name brand offering as well.

Now it’s time for the entertainment - a magic show! To show their supremacy they didn't hire anyone, they're doing it themselves. When Chloe’s mom came out in that “assistant’s outfit” – she looked like a billboard for Dr. Bimboo’s cosmetic polar. Maybe this was the coming out party for her new trophies. Chloe’s dad’s new found hobby of diverting ones attention didn’t seem all that difficult, considering the magical transformation of domestic housewife into the Las Vegas showgirl. They should have spent more time trying to learn the proper way to do the tricks in the first place.

Everything seemed to go all right on the first couple of tricks – at least in the kid’s eyes, I don’t think the parents can tell you what they were, I know the dad’s can’t. What are Jake’s parents going to do next month to top this one? Well they didn’t have to worry about it long – since a trip to the mortuary would have come off better.

Now I know you’re not suppose to tell a magicians secrets, but while preparing he was shoving the dove up his sleeve, that cracking sound ended up not being his knuckles. He didn’t seem to notice that there wasn’t any movement during the show. I’m sure that’s because he was nervous, trying to become the next David Copperfield. So when it was time for the dove to appear and be thrown up in the air and fly into the rafters – there was just a white lump of feathers that was tossed into the middle of the kids. What made it worse was the sharp right angle it’s head was tilted as it thumped on the ground.

It took a couple of seconds before they released what it was – well that’s when the screaming started. The parents looked on in horror as the assistant ran over to pick up the corpse, she didn’t have anyplace to hide it as she ran out of the room. Depending on how your keeping score there is no doubt that this party will be remembered for years to come.

Stake Meeting Humor-

I really hope that God has a great sense of humor if not I’m in real trouble. There are commandments, principles and ordinances that don’t change. Then there’s policy, procedure and just different styles of administration, which seem to change with whom ever is in charge. The problem or blessing is that in the same council or organization there may be different opinions on what should or shouldn’t be done.

Stake council is a meeting that takes place once a quarter it is attended by the stake presidency, high council and the presidents of each stake auxiliary. Our stake Relief Society President is a wonderful woman, but just like everyone else she has her opinions. There’s a time during the meeting that those attending can bring up what ever they feel is important to be discussed by the group. She felt strongly that to many people were bringing treats to church and that the kids are more concern with the treat than what is being taught in the lesson. She believed that this practice is causing a financial strain on some members – this started a conversation, after it was done the Stake Presidency excused the auxiliary presidents so the next meeting could start. Now it didn’t happen very often but someone had brought a couple of boxes of Ding Dongs and gave them to the stake president.

At the start of the next meeting the stake president handed out the treats with a chuckle. Now if something can go wrong chances are that it will – this wonderful sister got to her car and realized that she had left her purse with her keys in it under her chair during the first meeting. She returned to the room opened the door and found fifteen men unwrapping and eating the Ding Dongs. You should have seen the faces of everyone involved, like a kid being caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

One of the purposes of high council meetings is for names to be presented for approval to be called to stake and ward positions. A few months before the event in question there was a sister that had unexpectedly passed away in one of the wards. After a short period of time the brother remarried. The Bishop of that ward wanted the new sister to be called to a stake position having to do with name extraction, genealogy work and redeeming our kindred dead.

The high councilman that is assigned to the ward involved presents of names. The assigned high councilman didn’t know the sister personally so he looked at the ward directory and submitted the sister for approval. There were a couple of individuals in the room that were from this ward and had a slight concern that the name submitted was for the deceased sister. One of our quick witted high councilman pointed out that she would be great at the job because she is already on the other side and could get the answers needed to finish the work. For the next couple of months whenever this high councilman presented a name for approval it became tradition that he was asked if they were living or deceased before a vote would be taken.

As important as these responsibilities are we also need to find humor and joy in the service that we render. Then when it’s not essential to our salvation we need to remain open minded and not take ourselves to seriously.

Motorcycle mishap -

I’m no Don Juan or ladies man by any stretch of the imagination – as a matter of fact I was just the opposite. No I’m not that ugly and I think I have a great personality. I usually impressed little children and old ladies. On more than one occasion we would go to a girls house with a number of friends, then after we left the mother would tell the girl we visited that she really thought I was great – but the girl always liked one of my friends. This would eventually get back to me from the lucky friend, as it were told by their new girl friend. I never could figure out what benefit this information was to me – that an lady old enough to be my mother thought I was great - but the cute young ones just wanted to be friends.

For this reason and the fact I was shy and had no nerve to ask them out, I've only had one girl friend my whole life – now after twenty-five years of marriage she still hasn’t left me. Most people didn’t think I was shy, I defiantly wasn’t quite. Usually when I get nervous I talked too much (read Super Bowl Bet). I did go on a few dates but not that many. Besides my wife there was only one girl that I took out more than a couple of times. I was still scared of her but for some reason not as much as others. Despite this I never tried to take it to the next level.

The reason it probably never went there was that the times we went out it really didn’t work out that great. Don’t get me wrong, I think we both had a lot of fun but everything else seemed not to work out. There were plenty of signs, it just takes me a little bit to catch on. One time it was her idea for us to take her father’s new pick-up for a drive. Well we ended up in a canyon and the trees got a little too close and scratched it. I got the impression later that it didn’t go over too well – how could it, this loser just scratched her dad’s new truck.

Once we went golfing, not a good idea when the girl is better than you are. As we were walking to the green we saw a few of our other friend on a different fairway. I ran up to get my ball and from out of nowhere this huge dog ran into the back of my legs and knocked me over. This is kind of embarrassing when your trying to impress a young lady – not to mention the other guys that got a kick out of that one.

Once we decided to go on a walk to see where her family was building a new house and while we were walking past one of my friend’s house I noticed that his light was on in his basement window. I knew he was on a date with one of my date’s best friends and I wanted to see if they wanted to go for a walk with us. I convinced her to walk up and see if they were in his room. Well they were, but they were making out on the waterbed. This isn’t a good thing to see when I didn’t even dare hold her hand. I think the next day he got blinds.

Now we didn’t date that much so all of this happened over a short period of time. The worse story took place after I had graduated from high school and I took her to one of my softball games. This is an activity I did quite often with my wife – it’s a cheap date and you get to act all macho on the field while all of the girls sit together comparing recipes or something. It was a little cool that night so she decided to bring a quilt and a jacket, the quilt was made by her grandmother and was a beautiful family heirloom – I had decided to ride my motorcycle as part of the date. I don’t remember if we won or lost - which doesn’t really matter but after the game we decided to go out for a treat. We were riding down fourth north, which happen to be one of the busiest streets in town and has a speed limit of forty miles and hour. Back in those days no one ever wore helmets or even really thought about it. It was starting to get late and the sun was setting because I remember vividly that all of the sudden my bike froze up the front light went off as the engine killed and the back wheel stopped. Now at forty if your back wheel stops the bike needs to stop as well, so we skidded for about twenty to thirty feet before we stopped. This is one of the two times in my life that I realized after that I was lucky that we hadn’t been drastically injured. The way the bike swerved and skidded to a stop we was lucky that we didn’t crash. After we came to a stop I asked her if she was Ok - thankfully she was, then I said I didn’t know what had gone wrong. She responded that she did and that her grandmother’s pieced quilt had been ripped from her hands.

After getting off the bike we could see the quilt wrapped in the greasy chain, my heart sank. It was stuck so tight that we had to use a pocketknife to cut it out. I sure her parents said - now this is the same kid that scratched our truck? We both still live in the same city and run into each other quite often. She married a great guy that happened to be one of my friends – not the one on the waterbed. I’m sure he hasn’t scratched his father-in-laws truck of destroyed many of their quilts – I already took care of that. He was one of the ones at the golf course that saw the dog take me down; after all of these things I’m sure he wasn’t that worried about the competition.

Parking in Paris -

As a kid when some one said they had been parking it usually involved a member of the opposite sex and the windows got foggy – or at least that’s what I’ve been told. Then parking in Paris - the City of Lights, Love and Romance what else could you ask for? Well, first I could ask that it had been Paris France not Paris Idaho, then maybe I could have had someone with me and not been alone.

Once in a while at work, I have to travel to a couple of the outlining areas. It usually takes an hour and a half to get there. At which time I'd meet clients at the local bank branch, occasionally I need to go to their businesses or homes. Every once in a while I do “the loop” – this includes a couple of branches in the same day, this takes about four or five hours to driving time. When your scheduling appointments along the way you have to estimate when you’re going to be at different locations. Because it’s an estimate you can be behind or ahead of schedule most of the time.

Most of these treks start at about six in the morning, so when there’s a gap and I have less distance than time I love to relax or try to take a short snooze somewhere along the way. On this occasion that’s when Paris Idaho comes in play. I was about thirty minutes ahead of schedule and my next appointment was at the local school district building, which also happens to be the elementary school. Across the street is a beautiful church building build by Mormon pioneers, called a tabernacle. It was designed by an old ship builder so the roof is kind of like a ship turned upside down.

On the side of the tabernacle just across the street from the schools playground is a parking strip that became the perfect location for my coveted power nap. So I reclined the seat, closed my eyes, hoping to dream about something other than work. I was somewhat successful but I wish those buses would stop driving by. I wonder how long I’d been here? I can’t be late for the appointment. That sounds like a car behind me. Wake up - what’s that? Are those flashing lights?

Well I hadn't been going to fast, since the engine was off and I’m not parking illegally, technicality I’m in a private parking lot. Yes - officer what can I do for you? Well after showing him my license, registration, business card and explaining why I was there – I guess I convinced him who I was and what I was trying to accomplish. The final bit of information he required was the name of the person I was going to meet with next.

After collecting my thoughts and slowing down my heart, it was off to my appointment – as I relayed my encounter to my next appointment I learned the rest of the story. Apparently the district had a training session to help protect the school kids from predators. They watched a video to learn some of the things to look for – unknown vehicle, out of state plates; suspicious acting old fart stocking the playground. It looks like all of the bus drivers were paying attention. At least they radioed in to the district office reporting their concerns. The person taking all of those calls, also having been trained, knew what needed to be done – call the cops.

Well I really can’t blame them for doing what they were trained to do – even if the one calling the cops also happened to be my next appointment – no wonder the cop chuckled when I told him whom I was on the way to visit.