First Fiction -

The purpose of my stories and the blog has never been to get famous or to win the Pulsar Prize. It was in an attempt to write my personal history and have a little fun. A month ago I was searching the web and ran across a short story contest from Reader Digest called “Your Story” that they do on a monthly basis. That month’s topic was “First Date.” Now I hadn’t written that one yet so I gave it a try. On the Blog it is called “Super Bowl Bet.” Now because I’m a normal man I didn’t read the instructions and didn’t know there was a prompt – which the story needed to follow. Oh well – there’s no way I could have won the contest if it isn’t about what they want it to be about. The next month I went back to the web page to see what the next promt or topic was to be and it said:

Your Story #24: Child's Birthday Party

Parents look on in horror as a magician's trick goes horribly awry during a child's birthday party.

Now nothing like this has ever happened to our family. First of all I wouldn’t have paid the money to hire a magician and why would we invite other parents. So just for fun I decided to create first fictional masterpiece. It turned out all right but it isn’t a master piece and I think I will stick to non-fiction and the purposes of the hobby in the first place.

Because I wrote it and I have a Blog (that no one reads anyway) I might as well post it. So here it is.

I don’t know what they were thinking in the first place. I haven’t seen a bunch of four-year-olds scatter that fast my whole life, not to mention the screaming of terror that accompanied the tears welling up in their eyes. Who started this one-up-man-ship fiasco in the first place? At least their parents were all there and now they get to take them to counseling! The problem is that the parents need it way more than the kids and apparently should have had it years ago.

Yes - all of the kids attend the same Bright Beginnings Preschool in this yuppie infested suburbanian neighborhood. The “who owns the best car and yard contest” has now oozed over into the “see what we are willing to do for our kid’s birthday sweepstakes.” Pony rides, petting zoos, clown parades and the dad’s unquenchable desire to participate has turned these parties into a testosterone summer fest. Why else were the parents invited in the first place? The question should be what ever happened to pin the tail on the donkey or duck duck goose?

The fact that it was Chloe’s birthday seemed to be the least important event of the day. It was pretty cool to see the new dove in the cage by the front door. And it looked like there was enough cake for the whole neighborhood. The stack of presents looks like Santa just made his final stop. This is just for one kid? This one-up-man–ship apparently includes who brings the greatest name brand offering as well.

Now it’s time for the entertainment - a magic show! To show their supremacy they didn't hire anyone, they're doing it themselves. When Chloe’s mom came out in that “assistant’s outfit” – she looked like a billboard for Dr. Bimboo’s cosmetic polar. Maybe this was the coming out party for her new trophies. Chloe’s dad’s new found hobby of diverting ones attention didn’t seem all that difficult, considering the magical transformation of domestic housewife into the Las Vegas showgirl. They should have spent more time trying to learn the proper way to do the tricks in the first place.

Everything seemed to go all right on the first couple of tricks – at least in the kid’s eyes, I don’t think the parents can tell you what they were, I know the dad’s can’t. What are Jake’s parents going to do next month to top this one? Well they didn’t have to worry about it long – since a trip to the mortuary would have come off better.

Now I know you’re not suppose to tell a magicians secrets, but while preparing he was shoving the dove up his sleeve, that cracking sound ended up not being his knuckles. He didn’t seem to notice that there wasn’t any movement during the show. I’m sure that’s because he was nervous, trying to become the next David Copperfield. So when it was time for the dove to appear and be thrown up in the air and fly into the rafters – there was just a white lump of feathers that was tossed into the middle of the kids. What made it worse was the sharp right angle it’s head was tilted as it thumped on the ground.

It took a couple of seconds before they released what it was – well that’s when the screaming started. The parents looked on in horror as the assistant ran over to pick up the corpse, she didn’t have anyplace to hide it as she ran out of the room. Depending on how your keeping score there is no doubt that this party will be remembered for years to come.