Insanity -

For a woman to have ten children she would have to be very special or insane. Insanity is a relative term. I thought the person that invented “Pet Rocks” was insane – all he did was wash them up, put them in a box, and put a few creative words of instruction. Billy Carter seemed a couple of bubbles off center. But if an opportunity presents its self, can you blame him for taking advantage of it. My mother was not insane. Shortly after WWII, she moved away from home to go to school and become a school teacher. During her schooling experience she had the opportunity to do her student teaching. My experience with student teachers was that it was our jobs as students to help them rethink their career decisions, do you really want to do this for the rest of your life? According to my mother she had always liked the name of Paul for one of her children. During her student teaching assignment, wouldn’t you know that she had a child that had the same opinion of student teachers as I did, guess what his name was? Apparently this young man was so bad that not only did my mother never teach school but also it took her ten years of having children and her fourth son before she got up the courage to finally take the plunge. I believe that after she married my dad she just wanted to be a stay at home mom more. Despite not getting paid she was teaching all the time. I must not have kept up with the expectations of my name, as a little while ago one of my elementary school teachers were talking to a couple of my friends about when she was their teacher and she not no idea who I was. But this story is about my Mom. I had a Dr. Jeckel and Mr. Hyde personality when it came to sports. My mom loved basketball and was at all of our games - I loved pie. One day she made me a deal, if I would keep my cool and just play the game she would make me an apple pie. As often happened the refs were terrible and as the games progressed, I began to get fired up. Among all the voices I heard from the bleachers – I heard my mothers voice yelling at the top of her lungs Pie – Pie – Pie. Now this could be one of those times that those people that thought my mom was crazy might have had some ammunition. But I knew exactly what she was saying. Not only did I get my personality from my mother, but also she taught me thousand of lives lessons that have made me whom I am today.

Pick your friends wisely -

If you have a weakness or shortcoming it’s nice to find a partner or friend that makes up the difference. This is what everyone should look for in a spouse. With this complimenting strength there still needs to be a lot in common. This isn’t only true for spouses, but friends as well. The first time I met one of my best friends was in the fourth grade. I player 1^st base for the Adams Dodgers and he played for the Edith Bowen Cardinals. Everyone hated Edith Bowen, they were a private school that was associated with the local university and most students had parents at the university or were a rich doctors kid. Boy did this kid take the cake, he was their best player and he knew it. For a ten year old he had learned all the tricks – and he could trash talk with the best of them. The best of them – me. That’s what a first baseman does, that’s their job. The only player that has a better opportunity to give the other team the business is the catcher, but he was the nicest guy on earth and the umpire wouldn’t let him get away with to much if he wanted too. Before a group of psychologists decided that it wasn’t beneficial for kid’s self-esteem to lose or have anyone say anything negative, there were some great sayings in baseball. Hey batter – batter swing, pitchers got a rubber arm were two of my favorites. The real personal stuff didn’t start until you got to first base. There it’s not yelled out load for all to hear and there wasn’t an adult standing a foot away like at home plate. That’s the place for the biggest talker on any team, and on our team that was me. Not only did I lead the team in trash, but also in a number of other categories, I led the team in homeruns and strikeouts, being bigger than the other kids there wasn’t much in between. If I hit the ball it usually went a long way, the problem was that I didn’t hit it that often. I also lead the team in hitting batters as a pitcher that was another advantage of being a little bigger; I threw harder than most so when they tried to let me pitch the other team was scared to death. The only question is would I hit more than I struck out, if it was the same then we were Ok, three walks and three strikeouts meant no one scored. Most of these categories won’t get you in the hall of fame, but luckily in those days all you had to do to play was signup. While on first base is when our friendship blossomed – he had a comeback for all of my comment, he also gave me some others that I could use on the other teams for the weeks to come. Most surprisingly both of our moms wore army boots. He did say a couple of word I hadn’t heard before, that must have been his Edith Bowen Education. I look back now and relies because of his language that there must have been some farmers kids at that school as well. It took a few years and a couple of bars of soap before we started defending each other rather than giving our opinions on each other’s heritage.

In-Law Golf

I’m not a great golfer, nor do I like it that much. That’s why I hadn’t gone in almost four years. When my daughter got married, we had family come from out of town for the special occasion. Most of them came from the Las Vegas area, where my wife grew up and the majority of her family still lives. I guess it cost a lot more to play golf in Las Vegas, thus the reason they wanted to get some bargain rounds in while they were here. It was my brother-in-laws idea, which normally wouldn’t appeal to me but with so many women in the house a man could get high on hair spray or be told what to do so much tell he'd think he's in the army. When we announced our intentions it was easy to find two more takers, our wives were happy to see us go, it was easier than having a bunch of pouting men in their way. This is where the in-law connection takes place. Joining myself was my father, brother and son in-laws. The greatest things about in-laws is that you normally have some-things in common, but when they act like idiots you can take solace that you have no blood relationship to any of them. Because we are all hackers and don’t have much intent to get better, we decided to play a two man best ball format. Now this is perfect for the guy that looses a ball about every six or seven shots. Both player on your team tee-off, then you go to the best shot – where you hit again from the same location, you just hope both of you don’t go into the lake at the same time. For some reason the two old guys were put on the same team – we held our own most of the time. Then came hole number four. My son-in-law proclaimed that this was his favorite hole in the whole wide world. That’s quit the claim – since he hasn’t been everywhere in the wide whole world. This hole is a par four, in an L shape surrounding a lake. If you hit down the fairway and then take the turn to the green it is 375 yards hole, but if your willing you can cut across the lake and with the shot of a lifetime make it to the green. Now my son-in-law can hit a golf ball a country mile, for that matter he can hit anything a country mile. He played minor league baseball for about five years and in High School he lead the state in homeruns. Knowing that such a feat was beyond our capacity, we shot down to the turn which give us a clear shot at the green. Then it was my son-in-laws turn, now I know why this was his favorite hole in the whole wide world. Not only did he clear the lake – and hit the green twenty yards further, his ball rolled past the hole more than thirty feet. Wow, next time he’s on my team. Our second shot didn’t even hit the green, leaving us a short chip up hill to the hole. Once on the green we one putted for a respectable par. This is when the younger team showed their true colors, a thirty-foot down hill putt for an eagle – oh sorry both players didn’t even come close. Now a fifteen-foot putt for birdie – oh sorry, what about a one foot putt for par. The old saying “drive for show and putt for dough” was defiantly in place this time. On to the fifth still tied. The only thing that had changed was the lack of trash talk that filled the air on the previous tee-box.

Dog Magnet

The other day my son read a refrigerator magnet that said, “I’m trying to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.” This is kind of hard for me because I don’t have a dog. I have had one a couple of times in my life but they didn’t turn out so good. I have association with a couple of dogs on a regular basis – every day at work I try to take a break and go for a short walk. Round trip it a little over a mile in length and takes about twenty minutes. I usually always go the same direction and pass by the same houses along the way. At one of these houses I pass a dog each day. Now I don’t want to be the kind of person that this dog thinks that I am! He acts like I’m the scum of the earth; he almost knocks down the fence trying to get me, I’ve wondered on more than one occasion what each of us would do if the wooden fence really did fall over. Is he just a lot of talk or would I be in trouble? Pixar Pictures can out with a new movie called “Up”, it very entertaining and you need to see it in 3D. The main reason to see it in 3D is the cool glasses that they give you. There not the normal papers one – but are made out of plastic and make you look like Men in Black. In the movie the owner of the dogs has invented a collar that allows them to speak in a number of languages. At this house I think the dog would say words that I don’t want my kids to hear. The only good thing that the movie brings out is that the dogs have a very short attention span – this is usually true with my kids but I don’t know if it is with a dog. With a short attention span would he still want to attack me when he realized he was free? Most of us know what a good dog thinks of its owner – there’s a reason they call it mans best friend. They always want to play with you and don’t care what you do for a living, or for that matter what you look like. They do want you to feed them and show affection, this also could be apply to my kids, just show a liitle appreciation once in a while. My wife and I had a dog when we were first married, it was a puppy. After a couple of weeks it got off its leach and ran away and never came back. Maybe it was because of its name, but most likely Zero had no idea what it meant. I had a dog when I was a kid, but with so many of us I didn’t spend a whole lot of time with him. I remember when he died and surprisingly how hard it was on me. Maybe I don’t have a dog because I don’t think I could be the type of person it would deserve. I just hope that my children can look up to me with love and respect and show physical signs of excitement when I come home -even without a tail.

Is it approved?--

The problem with being a pro-bono writer is that you don’t get paid, what - doing something for nothing, that's a novel idea. Usually people want to get paid for doing nothing – there is less work and the reward is greater. That’s why the lottery system is so successful. Also if the topic you are writing about is you, your experiences and views, it’s kind of like bearing your soul to the masses, which is always met with mixed result.

Another problem is that most people want me to continue to pay my bills and have money to do things – especially my family. So I still have to have a full time job. In my chosen profession I hold a number of licenses - unlike James Bond none of them is a license to kill. Part of my employment agreement is that I have all extra business and special ventures approved in advance. I don't even know what clothes I'm going to wear tomorrow let alone what I'm going to be putting on paper. This rule includes a lot of the things I don’t even get paid for.

I've been told that this is to make sure there isn't any conflict of interest. I’m just surprised there is any interest in the first place. I have a lot of experience in the area of conflict, I come from a family of ten kids and I have seventy nieces and nephews – but the fact that I played twenty years of church basketball takes the cake and makes me an instant expert.

The conflict with my employer is that sometime I may say something that could influence someone’s decision making without the proper information and alternatives being presented. As you can tell they haven’t read my stories. I never give to much information - that would only get me in trouble. Now because I represent other organizations as well I need to make sure I don’t embarrass them or say something wrong.

One such organizations is my family, if I try not to embarrass them or to say something they think is wrong – I would never leave the house. If I needed their approval first there wouldn't be any stories in the first place. I’m also a member of a religious organization, maybe I will embarrass them – so I need their approval. I wonder how high I need to go – I guess it depends on how many people read my stories, early indications are not to many. That brings us back to my family and friends and you know what they think. I guess the old adage - it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than approval rings true in this case. Ultimately the greatest approval comes from within, I'm the only person putting my neck on the line, but I guess the others have to live with the consequences.

Favorite Child

I come from a large family, three brother and six sisters. Try finding a bathroom in that house, I’ve joked for years that’s why the tree in the back yard grew so big - think of all the fertilizer. Despite the competition I was by far my mothers favorite child. My family isn’t as large, but on a national average basis it’s still quit big. We have four daughters and one son. The other day our son heard his little sister telling her friends that she as the least favorite child in the family. I guess if someone's the favorite there has to be a least. This isn’t true, but she is a teenager and tries pushing the envelope as much as possible. She has a curfew earlier than all of her friends, and taste in clothes that is more expensive than she or I can afford. I guess it because she is always hearing no that she thinks we don't like her as much as the other children. She is quit talented; in her first year in high school she got a 3.9 grade point average. According to her, she didn't have a 4.0 because her science teacher hates her, and she defiantly didn’t like him. There’s probably a good reason, as sometimes she doesn’t show the respect she should. But the couple of time I’ve met with this teacher at parent teacher conferences I can honestly say I don’t like him either. How can you get mad at your child when you think they’re right? It give me a teaching moment to talk about life and how it’s not always fair. The sad part is that she really wanted to finish high school with a 4.0. She’s very motivated when it is her idea. I had to bribe her to try harder during the track season. She went out for track to get a tan and meet boys, how can anyone argue with that logic? She had never come out of the blocks or participated in an organized race. I told her if she qualified for state I would give her a hundred dollars – she qualified in two events. Now I never said I would give her a hundred dollars per event, but that’s how she took it. Her 4 x 100 relay team took second in state losing only by a tenth of a second. Another problem – at least for me, is that in the last year and a half she has gone from a little girl to a beautiful woman. She is very cute and the older boys know it. That’s part of her curfew problem, she’s hanging out with kids older than she is. We don’t allow the kids to date until their sixteen, but that’s alright since no one dates anymore anyway, they just hangout. As far as we know she is making good choices and the kids she hangs out with are good kids as well. I think the teenage years are hard on anyone, but harder for the girls in general, and of course their dads. I don’t understand how much hormones have to do with this whole thing. Despite what our kids think on occasions, we don’t have a favorite child (unlike my parents). We sometimes don’t like what they are doing or thinking, and some ages are funnier than others – but each child goes through the same stages just at different times. So we hope they each knows we love them to death and would do anything for them, but sometimes what is best for them isn’t what they want to hear.

Football Career -

Before I toot my own horn and talk about my illustrious football career. You must know I had a full ride athletic scholarship during college, it wasn't because I was a great athlete - it was given to me by the Sport Information Department. Basically we were in charge of the press boxes and the official stats for the NCAA. We also helped the media covering the games, to make sure they had everything they needed. So in college I watched a lot of players far better than I ever thought of being. My football career started in the schoolyard across the street from our house. We would watch a game at the university or on T.V. and then all the kids in the neighborhood would congregate at the Whittier School for a full contact scrimmage. I was a little clumsy but was always big for my age making this football quite easy - just run over the guy next to you. There was another kid in the neighborhood that just out right had moves, but he had to run further then I did - going back and forth like that. I guess if I think about it I played basketball the same way. I remember going to some high school games that my brother played in - he played wide receiver. He wasn't that big and was as slow as cold tar, but man did he have great hands. I remember him catching the ball once and getting killed by the defensive back - but he held onto the ball. That's when I knew I wanted to play football. We didn't have any little league or Pop Warner until a couple of years before I went to high school, that's just the year it started in our community. Myself and one of my best friends (every one had best friends at that age, girls seemed to continue the practice even into adulthood), played both ways. We started at running backs and defensive ends while our other friend was quarterback. It was always good to be friends with the quarterback because he decided whom to give the ball too. I usually played the blocking back because I still played the same way I did at the Whittier School, running over the guy next too me. Our lineman use to get mad because I would run into their backs. Well if they would make a hole for me I wouldn't have to run through them. This is when my confidence began to increase - a sport I could clammily run over people and it was legal, that's why defense was by far my favorite. My friend ultimately was a better athlete than I was but I held my own. The best part of being a defensive end is that you get to mess up the running backs and quarterbacks in their own backfield, I remember one little league game that I block two of our opponents punts in the same half. In both cases after I blocked the punts I ran to get the ball and my "friend" scooped them up first and scored touchdowns. I mean he was on the same team and the object was for us to score, but come on those were my blocks keep away. When we went into high school the coaches moved both of us too linebacker, which I really enjoyed until the varsity defensive end got hurt and they moved the kid who took our place up to varsity. Shortly after that is when I got hurt in practice - the smallest guy on the field did a great job of filling the lane and took out my knee. That season was over but I still was able to play a couple of more years. During my high school career our team played against two players that would eventually become All-American and then All-Pro in the NFL. One was Rulon Jones who played for the Denver Broncos - he was a man among men even in high school, or should I say he was a beast. Basically it looked like he would crab five people and then throw them out one at a time until he found the one with the ball. Luckily I was already hurt before we played him, so I could sit that game out. The other one was Jim McMann who led the Chicago Bears to a Super Bowl victory. When we played their team they were the best in the state. It was toward the end of the season and no one had scored on them first. I remember I got a sack that day - but after I did, Jim's line was so mad they beat the crap out of me for what seemed like the a week. We scored first and thought we would be all right until we kicked off and they ran it all the way back for a score. They proceeded to score thirty some odd unanswered points to keep their record in tact. At one point in my junior year I led the team in tackles, interceptions and even had a college recruiter contact me about playing football at the next level. Of course I would have had to gain a thousand pounds and lift weights ten times a day so I wouldn't get beat up. That didn't really matter as I had to have another knee operation and knew that a college career was out of the question. But I did play again my senior year with no injuries and a brace the size of the Golden Gate Bridge. That year was the first since - I don't know Merlin Olsen and his brother Phil played at our high school, that we had a winning record. We must have trained the under class man pretty good because the next year they went 13-0 and took the state championship for the first time ever. I remember scoring a number of touchdowns, catching some passes, making some great hits on some guys that didn't know I were there. But what I remember the most is the association with the other guys and the friendships that I still have today.