Big Head –-

I’ve always looked ten years older than I am. This is a problem, especially at the age of five and entering kindergarten. I’m sure it might have also given a couple of parents indigestion when their sixteen year old daughter was going out with some guy that wouldn’t have been ID’ed at the local tavern. The feature that has been my shortcoming is my head – it is huge! Over the years this has led to the nicknames of Dumbo and Potato Head, which evolved into Taters or Tate, which I rather enjoyed. Everyone wants a good nickname – it means that you have arrived. Now you see I said a good nickname. There were a few kids that had terrible nicknames and they sometimes eventually evolve to something that is tolerable. A great example of this was the kid that was called “Fat Dog” which eventually evolved into FD. Now FD isn’t the name most kids would choose, but it’s better than the alterative. The only reason I bring it up is he is the one that gave me my nickname. I think he gave it too me because I still called him “Fat Dog” when everyone else had moved on to FD. When people know your nickname they usually want to know how you got it. Not many people have ever asked me, which is kind of a confirmation in it’s own right. One year I got two Mr. Potato Head games for my birthday and I also have been given a tie with about thirty different Potato Heads on it. The one thing I can’t do that the real Mr. Potato Head can, is change my features with different pieces. If possible this would have solved my ear problem, which was the reason for my short-term dumbo name. My ears are in reality proportionately the size they need to be for what else I have been given, which would also make them a little large. When I was playing High School football I got a brand new helmet because they had it special ordered – which was worth the money because they could rent it out as a billboard. Some times my head gets in the way, in a moment of relaxation I have laid my head on my wives lap, only to be told it wasn’t that comfortable for her. We have a friend that is a mortician, I asked him to cut my head off after my demise to see how much it really weights. I think he said something about some kind of laws. Maybe I can donate my body to science or a medical school so such a test could be accomplished. If in reality it does weight the fifty pounds I have estimated, it may be some type of record. Another problem is the weight tables for ones height. I’m considered overweight when in reality the head factor should be considered. My wife has pointed out that the extra bulge around my waist has nothing to do with my head. Contraire – my beautiful young looking wife! Do you remember the “Weebles?” Remember they wobble but don’t fall down. The extra weight around my waist is in reality a counterbalance intended to make sure I don’t fall and hurt myself. The positive possibility of the size of my head, that isn’t considered much, is the amount of brain or gray matter that maybe lurking within this untapped cranium. If properly stimulated it could awaken at anytime with amazing results. Another blessing that has transpired is my loss of hair, if it was still there it would make my head appear even larger, It’s amazing how these things all seem to work themselves out. We have been told that the business of improving ones looks is a multi-billion dollar industry, breast implants, nose jobs, facelifts – maybe I would be more excited if they could reduce the size of my head. I saw a Gilligan’s Island episode where some witchdoctors could shrink heads, but I think it had to be off your body first. But aren’t you glade that all of us have unique features and look different so we can tell each other a part. You can just see me from a little further away.