Tim the Tool Man Taylor--

At a family reunion a while back we played the not-so-newlywed game. There were six couples that were part of the panel. The question that was asked our wives was - if you had to explain your husband ability around the house would you say he is like: Bob the Builder, who does things right but has more than one project going at one time, Al Borlin who does it right the first time. Tim the Tool man Taylor, who thinks he can do it but always makes it worse, or just clueless.

The couples playing had been married anywhere from ten to fifty years. I didn’t have to think about this very long; I’m the cheapest man on earth. If I can save a couple of bucks I will try anything. The only reason my wife would even consider more than one answer is that not only do I try it - but I’m clueless as well. I did our shingles and the roof leaked, I did my own sprinkler system and there are brown spots all around out lawn. I weed twice a year and it takes me three days because I wait too long. I can never get the flowers in the front yard to grow right. After just a few weeks a third of them are dead, most of the rest are still the same size when I planted them, there are only three that are thriving – my wife pointed out she planted them.

This has been one of our greatest challenges as a couple. The biggest problem is what it has been like for my kids. In cub scouts every year they have a pinewood derby. You buy the kit and make your own car. It’s supposed to be done by the boys themselves. But it rarely is, at least not all by them. Luckily I only have one son to suffer through this torture.

In two years our, I mean his, car had never won a race, the next year they decided to build airplanes that with the help of a rubber band could fly across the room on a fishing line. Apparently you can put the propellers on backwards, and when he let go instead of going forward it went backwards and broke into a number of pieces. It was amazing how many parents tried to make him feel better – it didn’t seem to help.

This isn’t a new situation, as a scout I participated in the thumb carving merit badge – well I was the only one carving my thumb, which earned me a couple of stitches. I think the greatest tool made is duce tape. Hey now they make it in multiple colors. I’m sure you can see why I can’t be too hard on my wife because she chose clueless instead of Tim the Tool Man, and just think we only lost by one question.